|
|
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
| |
4:17 pm - Quiz, depression, and the touchy topic of "lurve".
|
Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Nicole's Disorder | | Cause: | early mornings | | Symptoms: | occasional listlessness, sore throat, memory loss, excessive fangs | | Cure: | take a few anti-depressants a day until it goes away | |
Haha. Cute.
I read something today. Horribly sad, wholly depressing stuff. There were tears. The fact that people hurt each other is heartbreaking in itself, but damn. Also stirred up a lot of memories, ones I've been trying to rid myself of; unsuccessfully it seems.
What is love, really? I'd like to know.
Less and less people are devoted to the idea of terms such as "committment", "monogamy", and "forever". I can understand cynicism. The inability to comprehend loving someone else after the love of your life slips out of your grasp. At least, not with the same intensity. We can never love people the same way. Its impossible.
In a lecture I once heard regarding such topics as sex, monogamy, and relationships, the woman made an analogy to relationships that I will never forget. She said that our relationship experience can be related to a piece of duct tape. When we fall in love for the first time, we stick to that person and the relationship. Call it naivety, excitement, the giddyness of falling in love for the first time, but you put everything of yourself into it, only most of the time, to have it all come undone. You will never forget that first love. When that relationship comes apart, we unstick, and wander around, looking for another person to "stick" to. The next relationship comes and goes, and as time and more unsuccessful relationships go by, the stickiness fades. We become incapable of truly "sticking" after a while. It takes far more effort to trust people, to be able to love again, after all the heartbreaks. You become less capable of attaching yourself to people after a while. And it sucks.
But it is in my opinion that if you feel strong enough to keep looking for that ultimate great love, that "stickiness" can be reinforced, if you find it. We can super-glue ourselves, and hope for the same in return. We could try to make it last, make it stronger than even that first inital "sticking". And, if we just keep believing, maybe that reinforcement is all we need to be stronger than anything, and any love, we've ever known.
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, September 3rd, 2004
| |
12:19 am - A few things to keep in mind.
|
Remember who you are.
Remember where you came from, no matter what plateau you've reached in your life.
Remember your past.
Remember all the mistakes you've made.
Remember all the things you learned from them and what you've taken from those experiences.
Remember the ones who really matter.
Remember the ones who love you for who you are, not just what you have or what you can provide for them.
Remember the ones who've stuck by you, and haven't gone anywhere.
Cherish the ones who will understand; who will give you room to breathe when you need it, and who you know will be there when you return.
Cherish the beautiful memories.
Cherish the moments when you've looked in the mirror and smiled.
Cherish the hugs that give you warmth, the smiles that you can't help but feel in every part of your body.
Cherish the little things in life that bring you the biggest joys.
Never let go of your dreams.
Never let go of your goals.
Never let the small, trivial things deter you off your path.
Never let a single moment go to waste.
Never let anyone make you believe that you are less than you are.
Never let go of hope.
Your life is a gift. Every moment is one you can never have again. Every second echoes in time and space. Never regret. Seize your life, seize the day. We get one life, one shot. Try your best. Yes, there will be tough times, but they will eventually pass. Every moment is a moment you can at least try to make you and your life better in some way, worth more than you ever could have imagined. Learn from your experiences, and others, and try to leave a mark on the world, on the lives of the people you care about, on yours.
Go, and live your life. Its never too late. NEVER.
current mood: inspired
current music: Slither - Velvet Revolver *coughAliceinChainswannabescough*
|
|
(6 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 31st, 2004
| |
4:07 am - Whoa - that was intense.
|
Holy shit, where the hell do we begin? (we as in Katie and I, who are writing this entry together).
So we get up mad early (yes, my ghetto is showing) to do our usual morning trip to Dunkin' Donuts for our usual Boston Cream and iced coffee goodness (side note - I smell bacon, I smell pork, run little piggy, I've got a fork. Sorry...cops suck.) Then we came back and watched Face/Off. We proceeded to straighten our hair in an attempt to prettify ourselves for the Disturbed concert. Random thunderstorm just afterwards, how convenient.
Around 5 we headed out for Sayreville for the show. We got stuck in traffic, and got there just after 6. Karen and Michelle spotted me, so Katie and I got in line with them (they were near the front of the line (how the hell did they remember what I looked like after all that time...?)
We all went inside at 7, and made it to the rail (SCORE!) to wait until the show started at 8.
Dogfight came on first (HOT BASSIST!) and played a half hour set. Just following was DAMAGEPLAN (the guitarist and drummer are originally from Pantera), and the crowdsurfing madness began.
Then....Disturbed. Ahhhhhh. AWESOME show, though we almost died. Fortunately just before, one of the street team members who was taking photos gave us a granola bar (we were STARVING). One of the security guys was so nice to us. He kept giving us his water and pouring it on us to keep us cool (also saved our lives a few times by catching the crowdsurfers and warning us).
After the show, we met up with some of the people from the Disturbed Message Boards (which I don't frequent these days but you know, whatever). Joey was there (God help me, I'll explain one of these days). After the show, we were SO SO SO assed out. We were soaking wet from sweat (some ours, some random people), water, and booze. We went to the car and changed our shirts as to not be so assed out). Right after we did that, we met Disturbed after the show (David, Mike, Dan, and John). David remembered me, and I told him he was still the only man that ever made me blush. We got hugs, pictures, autographs, and more. It was fun.
After we said our goodbyes, Katie pointed out the hot bassist from Dogfight, Mike, who was talking to Dan. We walked up to him and sort of ended up walking behind him to the nearly deserted parking lot. He proceeded to strip several times (we're talking exposed dick here...pretty well-endowed for a white boy *eyes flutter*). He was TRASHED, and proceeded to hit on Katie like mad. Words along the lines of "wanna get naked?" were said to us (especially to my little slut to my right - I love you Katie!).
They made out a little bit, and I took a picture of him and Katie (he had his shirt up and pants down....I'll post it if it develops right). We were invited back to their room at the Hilton, room 631 (groupies much?) But we declined on accounts pf poison ivy (Katie....I told her not to roll around in the dirt with boys!) and Aunt Flow (some Seasonale must be bought ASAP to fix that little inconvenience!). :( We could have cried....we're such horny bitches!
So, on to McDonald's. Oh boy. We were stoned as hell, and we saw a statue of this funky looking hamburger thing (a body with a hamburger for a head). It scared the HELL out of us (pic is being posted of that too). We started freaking out, thinking it was about to come to life and come after us. We proceeded to name it Mr. Ronald McHamburger (Ronald's bastard son; a result of having nooky with a bun and a cow). Hey Katie - *wink wink wudge wudge*! [note: I keep making insane typos as I type this...]
Then, onward to HOBOKEN! Scary shit. These random guys kept talking to Katie *one of which she told our life stories to)....
Then, home. Here we are in our assed-out-tired-aching-smelly-horny glory! Pics will be posted. Stay tuned, kids. Peace out.
current mood:  excited
current music: Us laughing like idiots because we're just that retarded.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
| |
9:25 pm - The beginning of the end...
|
So today, I made a decision.
Its time to start updating this mother again.
current mood:  artistic
current music: Crickets chirping outside
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
| |
1:10 am
|
|
| Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
| |
8:28 am - Another stone-cold-rock-bottom fall.
|
I'm worried to death...she scared me so much that at midnight, I went to her house to see if she was ok. To no avail, I couldn't see her or contact her. Needless to say, I hit the cheesecake when I came home to get my mind off things...worked for a bit before I passed out and awoke early this morning to a mother whose face held nothing but disgust and disappointment for her daughter. I would take a sick day today if I could....not like its going to happen though *shrugs* Why can't I just be a better person? Why can't I help and support the people I love so entirely? I have some capability dysfunction....I wish I could figure out how to fix this malfunction.
current mood:  depressed
current music: The Last Song - X Japan
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
| |
10:40 pm - Random shit...
|
| What is your favorite.. | </td>| gum: | Hell if I know, or really care. | | restaurant: | Since I work at one, I'm not sure anymore. | | drink: | Tea | | season: | Mid-spring/Autumn | | type of weather: | When its sunny, in the high 50's, and slightly breezy...too specific? | | emotion: | Delirious joy | | thing to do on a half day: | Go home and relax | | late-night activity: | Mitsuwa probably :p Driving, generally, destination unimportant. | | sport: | Soccer, hockey, football | | city: | Oohh....too many....my least favorite is easy - LA...and the ironic thing is that I'll probably end up there next year :p | | store: | Don't really have one | | When was the last time you.. | </td>| cried: | A few days ago...I was crying in hysterics last night though, on the phone with Katie (*does the chicken walk and moos*) | | played a sport: | Ha! | | laughed: | A few hours ago | | hugged someone: | A few hours ago | | kissed someone: | Depends on what kind of kiss you're talking about.... O_o | | felt depressed: | A few days ago | | felt elated: | A few hours ago | | felt overworked: | Yesterday night at work | | faked sick: | Last week :p | | lied: | To my boss, last Friday | | What was the last.. | </td>| word you said: | That, I think. | | thing you ate: | Chicken nuggets, with ketchup from the talking ketchup bottle *falls over and dies of laughter* | | song you listened to: | Gyakujoutannou Keloid Milk - Dir en grey | | thing you drank: | Pepsi *shudders* | | place you went to: | School, for Open Mic Poetry Night | | movie you saw: | You say that as though I've had time. | | movie you rented: | Fuck if I can remember | | concert you attended: | Twisted Method/Dope/Mushroomhead on Valentine's Day in Philly | | Who was the last person you.. | </td>| hugged: | Bri | | cried over: | Someone I cherish very much | | kissed: | I dunno, probably Dasha | | danced with: | Myself, tonight during the Special Dance performance....wow, I was hyper | | shared a secret with: | Don't remember | | had a sleepover with: | Terri and Sylvia a few weeks ago | | called: | Katie, I think | | went to a movie with: | Who knows? | | saw: | Bri | | were angry with: | Dasha (she knows why) | | couldn't take your eyes off of: | Haha, does anyone in the JRock category count? :p (Yes Dasha, I guess I really am a fangirl) | | obsessed over: | Its been a while... | | Have you ever.. | </td>| danced in the rain: | Sorta | | kissed someone: | Yep | | done drugs: | Yep....cheesecake is wonderous *looks upstairs* | | drank alcohol: | Yes, and quite frankly, don't enjoy it much | | slept around: | I'm still intact, thanks for asking | | partied 'til the sun came up: | Oh yeah | | had a movie marathon: | Not since middle school | | gone too far on a dare: | Myabe, can't remember | | spun until you were immensely dizzy: | Hehe...its fun | | taken a survey quite like this before: | Yep ^_^ I'm a loser. |
The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!
( Random Deg generator results...some of them are quite amusing - the last one seems to be the most likely :p )
current mood:  okay
current music: Silence...
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, April 2nd, 2004
| |
11:55 pm - *cries*
|
I'm going to cry....I found out tonight that Twisted Method is going to perform at the Starland in Sayreville tomorrow.....AND I CAN'T GO!!! I have to work....ordinarily, I wouldn't mind working, but its THE DEREK!!! I miss him...wanted to wish him a happy belated birthday (we share the same birthday). AAAHHHH!!! >_< *tears hair out* I'm going to pray for a miracle and hope someone can cover my shift, even though everyone is on duty tomorrow. *gets down on knees and prays to the concert god* Please please PLEASE!!!! I need this so very much.....
*sighs* I think I need more cheesecake.
current mood:  weird
current music: The Final - Dir en grey
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
| |
10:43 pm - :)
|
First off, Happy Birthday to Toshiya! He's growing up so fast...*snickers*
Today was my first day at work...I freaking love it there. The atmosphere is so laid back, the people are great...I just love it. I met Ranya, the other female waitress. She's awesome, I already adore her. She's 22, originally from Egypt, and gorgeous. Very sweet and very smart as well. We're going to have to hang out at some point...bonus: she can get me cheesecake, and at a discounted price to boot. She can even get me a whole freaking ounce for a ridiculous price.
My managers are very nice, and can get me whatever hours I want, it seems, at little hassle. I think I'm going to actually start serving tomorrow (imagine that) after only one day of training.
All in all, today was a good day...is it weird that I'm actually looking forward to work?
current mood:  happy
current music: Desperate Angel - X Japan
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, March 27th, 2004
| |
7:37 am - Just thought I'd say...
|
*throws confetti*
Happy freaking 18th Birthday to me!
current mood:  awake
current music: Celebration - hide
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 25th, 2004
| |
7:46 pm - Strangely accurate...
|
| Extroverted (E) 74.29% Introverted (I) 25.71%
Imaginative (N) 66.67% Realistic (S) 33.33%
Emotional (F) 70.27% Intellectual (T) 29.73%
Easygoing (P) 66.67% Organized (J) 33.33%
| | [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<td [...] left">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <div align="center"><!--74.29 66.67 70.27 66.67--> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Extroverted (E) 74.29% Introverted (I) 25.71%<br> Imaginative (N) 66.67% Realistic (S) 33.33%<br> Emotional (F) 70.27% Intellectual (T) 29.73%<br> Easygoing (P) 66.67% Organized (J) 33.33%<br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Your type is: <b><font size="+3">ENFP</font></b><br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td width="280quot;>> <div align="left"> You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director. </div> </td> </tr> </table> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <a href="http://similarminds.com/career.html">Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test</a><br><font size="1"><a href="http://similarminds.com">personality tests by similarminds.com</a></font></div>
What a coincidence, seeing as how nearly all my career choices are listed in there... |
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
| |
10:05 pm - Celebrate good times, come on!
|
Guess who got a job? I got a job!!! *dance dance* I am now a waitress at Scotty's Steakhouse, and I start Wednesday. Great birthday surprise, if I do say so myself....can't believe I become legal on Saturday. I'll finally be able to go to bartending school, and get my first tattoo :) Sparkly!!
And, a stolen quiz :p
My theme song should be: Thinking of You, by APC
Which A Perfect Circle Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
current mood: happy
current music: Celebration - X
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| |
1:14 am - Life.
|
Life is ironic, it really is.
The moment you stop searching for something, it comes to you when you least expect it (and frequently, when you least want it). Sometimes, it sends you something someone else wants/needs desperately, and have no want or need of it. Or, the worst possible thing that could happen to you, does.
I fail to see a logical pattern forming from the irony of life...or am I missing something?
current mood:  curious
current music: California Love - Tupac and Dr. Dre
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 22nd, 2004
| |
11:12 pm - !#@&!
|
FUCKING WHAMMEY BAR!!!!
Is it just me, or is using the whammey bar just outright cheating?
Its all fucking Heath's fault.
current mood: curious
current music: Coin Rockers Baby - Miyavi
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
seduced_by_sin's journal